I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
