My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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