i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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