So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
