I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize