Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
