You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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