$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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