ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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