Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
