Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
