so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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