Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
There r osticjed everywhere
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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