so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just want to make out with him forever
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
