Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
