This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
