You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize