you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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