My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
