this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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