Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
