No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
