i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
