you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
