You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
