Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
