K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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