you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
