She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
