just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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