Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
