do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
