I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He shit in the fireplace
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
