well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
