i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Hippo gnu deer
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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