i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
