You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
