at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
