If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
