He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
