just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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