And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
we should paint friendship bongs
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
