Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
