In the future we'll all be gay
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
