I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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