i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
