dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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