and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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