I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize