i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
