Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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