Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
