Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
