I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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