i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
