She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
