Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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