I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
