Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
