I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
