So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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