You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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