OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She needs sedatives and a leash
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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