Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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