We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
