she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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