My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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