Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
