I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
