Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
