I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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