yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
