I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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