It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
