ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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