ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
