nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
