we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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