I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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