her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
